we are human

Freedom to Run and Roam

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In this current moment of quarantine we are having more movie nights. I convinced the family to watch Stand By Me. At first they had too much to say about how it is old, and who cares and all the typical kid stuff, and not enough guns for Luis. Soon after the movie started they became invested, the characters were relatable.

Screen shot from Stand by Me

‘Stand by Me’ at 30: Why This Stephen King Movie Is Timeless

Adoni at the railroad tracks here in our town.

In 2020 and all the way back to the days my kids were born, a kid’s freedom to run and roam is long gone. This movie gives glimpses into the life my boys love. Maybe today in USA if a kid lives on a farm or near woods they are lucky. Some would even call this a crisis of this generation, kid do not have freedom to roam. The picture above with Adoni was taken by me but the meeting happened by accident. He told me he was riding his bike down in an area of town that has been closed off for people to get exercise during quarantine. He didn’t exactly lie but on his way home he went exploring. I had decided to go for a walk and there he was. He was riding his bike on a route I walked a million times when I was a kid, the train tracks. He wanted to show his friend (with social distancing in mind), the route to my grandmother’s old house. This was a bold move on his part. He screamed to me, “hey I was getting my phone out to call you” yeah right.

Adoni and I went back to explore. He has a mask on.

My boys know my story about my own cross with death near these tracks. Maybe in a different post I will write about my story.

Adoni and his cousins in mountains of Dominican Republic. Over the course of a month they collected thousands of coquito nuts, organized, donated for dulce, cracked and ate and most importantly played a game where they won and lost them. The game is similar to marbles. In order to play they have to remove the outer shell.
This is a few years old, but a favorite photograph of mine shot in Dominican Republic. Rio, cousin Angelo and Adoni in the back.

Rio and Adoni are lucky because we live two lives in two different countries and there are different freedoms in each country. Their age now is giving them more freedom, living on a dead end street and homeschooling also give them some freedom. But in the Dominican, mountains and family and climate have created a vast place to explore to be a kid and create a stories, ones that might even be a story line for a movie.

Thank You

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A room with a view. It was my view inside looking out in June 2015. I was recovering from a surgery, one that thankfully saved my life. I had a colon resection in order to see if the cancer that was found during a colonoscopy had metastasized. It had not. My recovery room had a view of my house, the back of my house. I live a 5 minute walk from Bristol Hospital, where I had my surgery.

I can’t really explain in words, the feeling and comfort I felt knowing I could see my house from my hospital room. I also was on heavy duty pain meds, so my feelings were a bit intense. I swore I had taken a photograph of that view but after skimming back through I regretfully didn’t. I do have a photograph of the plants and flowers from friends and family, in that window, but not the “view”.

Fast forward to the present moment. My view, from my house, from my back porch, from my garden, is of Bristol Hospital. Occasionally, I have a fleeting memory of my time in the hospital but always I am thankful. The building is always there to remind me.

Fernandez Family

This current stay home, stay safe has me seeing the hospital a lot. And my thoughts are full of hope and sadness. I am thinking about all the folks working at the hospital and the folks who have been admitted to the hospital, and everyone all over our country, Dominican Republic and the world. Wow, that is overwhelming.

My family helping out.

On my end of the street there are 4 medical people and several essential people who live here. Once upon a time in my former art life I made several public art pieces, including a banner that was done without permission and I hung it from a building in downtown Hartford. I am still not sure how I really pulled that off. Those were the days when I was more passionate about all things art. This week I felt inspired to make a banner to hang on the backside of our house for all the people at Bristol Hospital and our town of Bristol, CT.

My view.
Another view.

From Marlo and the boys, Thank you. Thank you to everyone who is doing the hard work. ❤️

The cheese touch…

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If only it could be as simple as the cheese touch. Thanks Diary of the Wimpy Kid, for some comic relief in such a difficult time. If only it was as simple as crossing my fingers and the virus wouldn’t come my way, anybody’s way. I want it to go away. Yesterday, Wednesday was a breaking point for some friends and family. I found myself reading this book to my husband late last night, little did I know the book I grabbed in the dark would reflect something similar to what is really going on around us. Only thing different is this virus is real and changing the world as we know it.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

My husband was having a hard time last night, too much information and too many things out of his/our control. We have family here in Connecticut, in various parts of New York, where it currently is most affected, Florida and Dominican Republic and other areas too. I know we are reflecting every other family out there. But that doesn’t make it any easier to not feel out of control. The unknown, not knowing if we will ever see our moms, dad, brothers, sisters, extended family and friends at the end of this.

Our family has been watching a series on Netflix called All American, amazing show on so many levels. My take away from this Novela, as my husband calls it, is communication. And with that communication comes men, and their boys or children who are talking about their feelings. There are women and girls too but I am raising boys who will become men who need to know how to communicate, speak up for themselves and share their story. The timing of this viewing couldn’t be more perfect given the circumstances we are living in. Earlier this week, although not Corona virus related but my younger son felt compelled to share something with me that was bothering him. This is a huge win in uncertain times, I am happy that he felt he could talk to me.

Thursday March 26, 2020. Adoni eating grapefruit and enjoying the sun.

Thankful for a new day and the sun. Although it was still chilly at noon, 50ish degrees, my husband and I started painting the front of our house. Since we own a painting business the painting of our own house had been put on the back burner for 2 years straight as paying jobs took precedent. Not this year though, to help my husband feel in control of something we prepared last week and ordered the paint. Even though business is not at all normal, he, with my help, can maintain some sense of dignity by staying busy painting our own home.

This link I found helpful. A friend shared with me- thank you.

https://vimeo.com/399733860

And Poof… It Is Over

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It is not a magic thing, but it all happened so fast it felt like magic. Will there be a grand ending? We know the answer will not have any magic. I am writing this post to officially say goodbye to the people we didn’t have a real chance to say goodbye to. We just up and left- like radical. Although most of the boys will never even see the post I am writing it anyway for closure.

We left the Dominican 6 days ago and I feel like I have a hole inside. Rio maybe feels something but he is so 14, in his mind, he is elsewhere. Me, I am stuck with all these faces and relationships that we were building with coaches, trainers, trainees, baseball loving youth, apartment mates, new friends and some family who live in the city of Santo Domingo.

Rio catching.

In the photo above, Ramon Delgado, the trainer and Pedro his assistant along with the boys watch Rio. So about 25 days with these guys, one can’t deny a relationship forming. We intended to be in DR for 3 months or more.

Genaro, an American Dominican kid training like Rio and Rio.

Remember when I had said Rio hadn’t even seen the ocean. That weekend with Genaro he had gone to a dance party for kids, then next day they went to a private club by the ocean. So yes he did in fact see the ocean before we left.

Rio as catcher and Pedro giving advice.

Our roommates, Katy and her helper Altagracia, helped us figure out the city. Katy helped me learn how to be on my toes and be safe. Our cousin Mariel helped us too. I was looking forward to being able to say that I lived in the city, and we survived! It has been many years since I had a roommate and certainly a new experience for Rio.

Alta and Katy.

And with this I say goodbye, con Dios. I really hope that we will see everyone again. The latest I have read about COVID-19 is that we will be looking at months-many months before we even see something called normal again. There is no magic in that.

Rio arriving at practice with a kid who shows up every morning just to hang out and get things for people if needed. Sweet kid.

Corona 2020

/ Marlo / 2 Comments

Not sure if you believe in signs but this morning I woke and the last sign arrived in a message to Rio’s phone via WhatsApp. With in an hour I purchased tickets for us to fly home to be with Luis and Adoni. On one hand I had romanticized our experience here in DR. I truly believed we would be fine in DR, Rio doing his baseball and me making sure we were all set. I too was working out at the gym with a trainer. We were going 3 times a week. Although I thought we would be able to do much more during our days here in DR. At best all we could muster was his practice and the gym during the week, movies once a week and maybe going away on the weekend. And Corona virus is not really on the island, after all there are only 5 cases, so they say.

  • My hair, I washed it yesterday and there was a clump of hair in my hand. Oh, something isn’t right.
  • We had plans this weekend to go to our house in the mountains, our nephew who lives in the house is sick, like really sick, I learned this last night. Also our ride fell through. Side note, I felt that if we need to go to our house in the mountains in case the virus took over we would be safe there. I was not feeling that after learning about these details.
  • The ominous message that came on the phone from unknown person. It said get ready, buy a water, candles and food, after the elections on Sunday, on Monday everything is going to close down.

You know when you just don’t feel complete or right, also Rio commenting that he really wanted to go home. At first listen, I thought he was feeling that way as the baseball thing is HARD. But think about it, we are a homeschooling family, we are together all the time. Now granted, my kids need to have growing pains and experience tough things. But maybe in a time of crisis it is not necessary. And lastly and maybe most important, Adoni is a healthy kid, but he is also my allergy kid who has asthma. My son is immuno-compromised. I want to be home with him. Our town and state are closing things left and right. The USA is also banning certain countries from flying into the country. I decided I don’t want to be stuck here in DR, living the dream.

Please stay safe and hope the curve flattens.

Who goes to the salon once a week? Dominicans do.

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Today is international women’s day and although this post has been in the works for a while now I thought it appropriate to publish it today.

When I first experienced this idea of the “salon” in DR, I honestly didn’t understand why. Why would I go through so much trouble to straighten my hair when in no short time it would be back wild and frizzy. That was my understanding of the salon-putting rolos-curlers in the hair- an addiction to have straight hair. Well I am partially wrong. I missed the part called family and women doing things together. Let’s think about the salon as a woman’s world and woman’s work and most importantly companionship.

My grandmother Rena and her sisters.

My grandmother and her sisters set their hair with curlers, slept with those damn things, and this happened regularly. I thought of it as quaint, something from the past, but I missed the point. What an ass I am/was. In my defense, my mother never did her own hair in curlers and certainly never taught me to do mine. I was also a teenager in the 80’s when everyone who had straight hair got a perm to make big hair. My perspective has been about the art of it- the finish, not necessarily the process – and companionships. My grandmother, the one not looking in the picture, had 5 sisters and they had a beautiful bond and one that lasted. Maybe I am romanticizing it by saying that they confirmed those bonds over and over by doing each other’s hair. My great aunt Freda is still alive! She will be 94 this year, beautiful soul, she is the one pictured far right.

1987 high school yearbook

Here in DR, it seems to be a right of passage of women to learn how to put hair en rolos, one female member of the family passes it onto the next. I totally understand there is the immense history of hair straightening here and Dominicans are the best at it. The roots aren’t necessarily from a good place, and I really can’t bring up rollos with out mentioning the roots. See the link below, a trusted friend Ruth, shared this link with me.

Natural Hair Is Still Under Attack in the Dominican Republic

My salon experiences over the last couple of months here in DR. They were Joyful and full of family and companionship even if I didn’t understand every word.

At this moment I would prefer to think of the salon as self care and comfort. So I will announce that I have had an awakening about self care and salons since the summer of 2019 when my cousin did my hair for the first time. Thank you Andrea. It has only taken me 18 years to figure it out, or my entire adult life?! I say 18 years because I have been traveling to DR since 2002. As my friends know, I am not a regular attendee of salons, nor do I do my nails at salons. How regular of me, or boring or conservative with my money, call it what you want but it hasn’t been my thing.

Me volunteering in the Bodyshop at Wasteland 2019, California.

I am an artist and I think it is time that I allow myself to enjoy self care experiences versus thinking about the art of it all. I worked at Miss Porter’s School, an all girls boarding school. I was the photography teacher there for 14 years, I loved my job. It is interesting to know that the other part of my job was heading the costume, hair and make up crew. I was in the position of doer, not receiver- 14 years!!! Don’t get me wrong, I always saw what I was doing as art, start to finish and I was proud of my work. So to bring this post full circle, I have always been in the position of companionship but not always receiving the care or allowing myself to take it in fully. And for some reason, this year, family is what brought it up for me in a way I hadn’t noticed before.

Hard week, soul searching.

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Can a 14 year old go deep, know his reasons for doing things, feel passionate? How do we as his parents help keep him motivated and do the thing he said he wants to do? Is it really our job? How do we help him to not throw in the towel because this thing called baseball training is super hard? And let me remind you we are on a tropical island a couple of blocks away from the ocean. He hasn’t even seen it yet since our arrival 3 weeks ago.

We have a cousin who is one of Rio’s biggest fans, his name is Checo, he is in his 40’s. He is pretty persistent with his feelings about Rio and baseball. This is what he said, in Spanish of course but I will translate. Rio is tall, elegant and beautiful. He has the capacity to play baseball therefore he should play. Not everyone has that opportunity or is gifted the ability. Rio is loved by everyone here in Los Dajaos, DR ( where Rio’s dad is from) and Rio loves everyone back. His ability to love the children here is felt by everyone. Checo said a reason for Rio to play, his motivation should be to give something back to the community of Los Dajaos, do it for the children.

Rio in 2017 playing with one of our cousins.

All in all, my thoughts over the course of this week can’t be jotted down in a blog and maybe should be left right where they are- in my head. Rio said he had a tough week but in the end he is happy. We slept in today and went to the gym. He is currently playing Fortnite online with his brother in USA. Rio will finish his weekend by hanging out with a new friend tonight, a Dominican American kid who is here doing the same thing as Rio.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

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This title is what came to mind this morning. Last night Rio said he wanted to go home. We went away for the weekend to be with family. It was a 4 hour ride from door to door, there and back. Rio is a home body, he definitely does not have my lust for adventure. So even though we had a mini vacation from our new life, it was a distraction. As we have been homeschooling for awhile now and as we have 3 boys, finding the balance between freedom and military academy is where we are at.

Our daily routine, walk 8 minutes from door to metro.

This “thing”, I knew it would come, just a matter of when. After he said “I want to go home”, I wasn’t sure how to respond. I know it is an ever fleeting feeling, “home”. But I am his mom and this was my response, “the newness and excitement of being here is over, now comes the hard part”. He said nothing. When we got in bed, we are sharing a room with twin beds, I asked him if he wanted to talk, he said nothing.

These are a few sweet moments of the kids laughing- this morning before practice.

He woke up a lot last night- me, trying not to worry, kept those feelings to myself. This morning he got ready like regular. We went to practice and all seemed regular. The feelings of last night dissipated. What was different about today is that he earned something. Three weeks in and he is hitting the ball and one of the trainers commented, he asked me if I was happy with Rio’s new swing. Rio is trainable. Imagine a pitch that he is used to, maybe 60 miles an hour. Now during his practice the kids are pitching 80 miles and up. He is learning how to see that ball, it has been a challenge for him.

The swing.

As we are so in sync as a family, it is no surprise to me the Adoni started acting up yesterday. I asked Luis if he had eaten too much sugar. But the reality is 3 weeks into our new life is a challenge for us. Luis signed Adoni up for kickboxing training at Acension gym. He can go 5 days a week if he wants. Hopefully this will help Adoni stay focused and not feel out of control. Adoni was free roaming in Dominican Republic, running for 1.5 months, every day, all day. He needs some grounding right now.

Adoni’s first day at the gym- Kickboxing training.

This place is huge!

/ Marlo

We are in week 2 of m-f training here at Estadio Olímpico. This place is huge! Rio and I both got lost yesterday. He was in one place with the trainer and the other kids, and I was in another place. I decided to take a seat on a bench near a guy who was getting a full body massage on a table, on the sidewalk. I do not have a picture of that, imagine that open air massage. I choose that spot as I thought of safety and sort of close to where I thought Rio was. I eventually did find him, he was running in the track and field area. But then I lost him again, so I decided to stay put. We are in communication via the app What’s app. So no worries, but back to the point this place is huge and it is primarily a guy’s world here.

My view every morning

While sitting on the bench, a wee one also sitting, maybe 2 or 3 years old, started crying. He is the son of the massage therapist? Three young men were walking by and in typical Dominican fashion, one young man started talking to the little kid in the sweet, con cariño, way that everyone here talks to little people, or anybody for that matter. The three young men sat down between me and the little kid. And so began the conversation with these two.

Ferdy and Wilfry

In that moment I felt a bit off because I was not in sight of my son. That feeling dissipated after I started talking to these guys. They are training for the Olympics in track and field. I am not sure how old they are. Wilfry runs 800 meters and Ferdy 400. I enjoyed our conversation as I always enjoy meeting new people. I think you know this by now. I am and feel vulnerable as I am in the huge new place basically with all men. And these kids are vulnerable as they are young and ready to take on the world- naive? When I say vulnerable I don’t mean crippled with fear. Who wouldn’t be vulnerable in a new place, mostly men and in a country speaking a different language? Equally who wouldn’t be vulnerable chasing dreams at a young age. There is power and vulnerability in both those positions. Outside of meeting up in the same place we, me and these 2 guys, have nothing in common. They asked me if I was an athlete. Ha. Well, I trained for a marathon twice, that is called giving birth naturally. But no I am not an athlete.

Inspirational

I wasn’t 100% myself yesterday, my day started with a highly caffeinated coffee. It has been months since I had a coffee like that. So I did not think with a photo/documentary mind and didn’t take a picture of the guys. I was so angry with myself. Today in an effort to find them and take their picture because I want to remember them, I found these two running the track. Awesome and inspirational. To my surprise the boys found me! They wanted to say hi. Which this moment had me dancing inside with joy. Simple things in life can make me happy. I am trying to not cry as I write this.

In another blog post I want to talk about where and with who my photographic career started. My heart has always had a sweet spot for boys and it took me years to understand why.

Play #1

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My new friend, Andres.

The kindness of this man made me feel good, human. It is no small task to do what we are doing. Yesterday he approached me and asked me about my son and so began the conversation. This is not to say that I haven’t spoke with anyone else here, I have- the kids- wow. However, I would like to talk about this man. Su forma a decir, the way he spoke to me, speaks to me. It was easy. His sweetness reminded me of how I felt in this country long ago, people with open arms. He has been cleaning Play #1 for 30 years. He arrives around 6 and leaves around 12, even though he should “work” til 4. His area is the cleanest, well noted. He earns 11,000.00 pesos a month. You do the math.
I want to know, if I showed up as a stranger, one that clearly sticks out, to the field back in my home town of Bristol, CT, would the maintenance man come up to me and start talking, get me a chair to sit in and look after me? Maybe Matt N.
We stick out, it is very clear we are foreigners. Andres embodies all that is good about this place.